Luke 5:5-6
Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets. When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break”
After college, I’ve decided to live with my parents to take care of them. Sadly, my childhood traumas and wounds kept bleeding through my 20’s to the point of being hospitalized and later medically diagnosed with severe depression.
My son was 2 years old at that time and I had to stop breastfeeding because of my treatment plan. It was devastating, but I had to do everything I could to heal. Because my triggers were glaring every day at home, my heart and mind still weren’t getting any better.
I was basically a catch basin to my parents’ marital problems, and despite my efforts to be the “peacemaker”, be the one that understands and forgives, be the giver and just be a good daughter – nothing seemed to work.
I’ve exhausted so much in all aspects – financially, mentally, physically, emotionally, and I could have ended my life, if not for my son.
Two seasons ago I was heading towards a bad relapse and a discipleship group at church took me in. It was the first time I started really reading the bible, because of our daily devotionals.
Though I’ve known about the Lord for decades now, it was only through meditating on His Word that I truly came began knowing Him for who He truly is, and not just who I think He is.
As I started becoming more sensitive to His prompts, I also carried that godly burden of being that salt and light to my mom, dad, and my son. But how could I if there were constant triggers every day to sin?
I get too mentally and emotionally exhausted that I end up cursing and disrespecting them and projecting my anger and pain towards my son. Seven months after my first bible study group, I had this prompt from the Lord to finally move out.
Everything looked impossible from the limited number of apartment options during the pandemic, with my field work to consider and a toddler to raise. But taking that step of obedience meant being empty handed first.
Like Simon, I worked hard and gave it my all for years, but because the Lord said so – I let down my nets, in the deepest parts of the ocean filled with uncertainty.
Fast forward to today, my son and I am living in a pleasant neighborhood, I was transferred to a new department at work, and my relationship with my parents improved immensely.
Dear one, you may feel stuck now in the same place, or with the same people, thinking that nothing will change.
You’ve tried and you’ve failed so many times. But maybe this time, the Lord is asking you to let go of something or someone, or leave that workplace or neighborhood, that’s causing you to compromise your heart, and stray away from the Lord.
Try again, but this time it’s with the Lord. When you abide in Him, and His Word, you’ll know His will and where He is taking you. . .
“Child, my Child. Let down your nets, so I can fill it with good gifts exceeding all human expectations.”
