1 John 4:16 King James Version
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.
Courtship with my husband felt like something out of a storybook. He made sure I never got breaks from gifts, only the sweetest words were fit for my ears, and I was pampered.
I couldn’t wait for us to start our happily ever after. When we got married, I was full of joy. He was the center of my world, I was his, and everything was perfect. When our babies came it was a whole new level of love and happiness.
Now we have new mouths to feed, my husband needed to work harder to ensure the family is well taken care of. He leaves the house early, gets back late. We hardly spend time together as before.
I understand because he’s always tired after a long day’s work. I can’t keep him up at night telling him how my day has been and what our twins and I did while he was at work.
He hardly looks at me these days, he never compliments me anymore and he doesn’t buy me all my favorite things anymore. I always feel unappreciated and overlooked.
When we talked about it, he made me understand that I paid more attention to the kids, and he was also feeling unappreciated and overlooked as well. This made me realize that I have been loving my spouse the wrong way.
I was loving him from the place of the flesh – because of the things he did for me and how he made me feel.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving your spouse that way. However, there is a better way to love them and that is loving them with the help of God.
We cannot love our spouse the way God has designed us to love them, we constantly need God’s help to love. Not only our spouse, but also our friends and family as well.
God never designed marriage to give a perfect happiness. Instead, it is a partnership of intimacy and finding and fulfilling God’s purpose together. Most of us require from our spouse what only God can give us.
We expect our spouse to complete us and excel at everything that concerns us. We expect them to play God to us. Because they are imperfect, they will surely fall short at some things. Never expect from your spouse or partner what only God can give.
Marriage is beyond giving us personal happiness. What this means is that your spouse should not be the source of your joy, God should. What will bind you and your spouse or friend in perfect harmony is God’s love.
A good relationship or marriage is built on God. He is the only solid foundation that you need to love unconditionally through difficult times. Whether it is in your friendship or your marriage, we must enlist God’s help.
That way, you can love them unconditionally. Let God love them through you.
From tiny little very irritating habits to very serious issues that may be difficult to handle, it can be hard to love your spouse at such times. Struggling with such problems may end up causing more problems that are far worse in your marriage.
Despite all these imperfections, it’s only with God’s help that you will be able to love your spouse unconditionally. Of course, some couples do not have a close relationship with God yet they are still happily married, however, it is wise for God to be the foundation.
Love outside God is never really true. This scripture validates this claim: “And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” 1 John 4:16
Even if you think your spouse or your friend needs fixing, it’s not your responsibility to fix them. Let God do the fixing. Most of the time, our desire to fix them is born from a selfish place; we want to fix them so that they can suit us better.
We should always aim to ask more of God and less of our spouse. Only God’s love will teach you to pray for your spouse instead of criticizing them, turn a blind eye on their weaknesses and focus on their strength, support them instead of comparing them, and hold onto them instead of pulling back when problems come up.
May God open our hearts to the revelation of His love and give us the grace to learn how to love our loved ones the right way.
